There’s this thing on social media, especially Instagram, called Transformation Tuesday. People post photos of themselves (or anyone else, really) to show how they have changed over time. Or something like that. Well, since it’s Tuesday, and it is exactly two weeks after my first surgery, I thought a #transformationtuesday post might be in order.
The first photo was taken as we were walking out the door to go to the hospital. I was allowed to go home and grab my things before being admitted, and I wanted my mom to get a pic of the last time that I was in my house with two feet. I was feeling scared, excited, hopeful, nervous…all sorts of emotions. I think I was also sort of on autopilot–just trying to gather my things and prepare for the coming days. Of course, I covered it all with a smile…but don’t let that fool you. I had been crying in the doctor’s office just an hour beforehand. I didn’t know what to feel or what to expect because everything happened so quickly.
The second picture was also taken after a good cry. I woke up that morning, November 25, to my sweet nurse standing by my bed. “They’ve moved your surgery time,” she said. It was originally scheduled for 5:00pm, so I figured they had bumped it up to noon or something. “They’re taking you now. You need to put this gown on, take any jewelry off, and get ready.” She tried to relay the information in the nicest way possible, but I burst into tears, shaken by the news. I was prepared to spend the morning with friends and family as I worked up the courage to have my leg cut off. Instead, I was forced to put my big girl pants on and deal with this curveball. I went into the bathroom and tried to put my gown on, but I became frustrated when my IV tubes got tangled in my clothes. I started to hyperventilate because I was just so overwhelmed. My mom took me back to my bed and called my nurse. Pam came in and sat on the side of the bed with me, holding me as I cried and tried to catch my breath. “In, out, deep breaths…You can do this.” She tried to calm me down, and it worked. With Pam’s help, I got my gown on and dried my tears which had now made puddles on the floor. Wanting to document every part of the journey, I had my mom snap a photo before I hopped onto the stretcher. I was trying to put my brave face on, but instead it turned into an odd look. Oh well 🙂
The last one was taken on December 5, a week after my last surgery. This time, the smile was as real as it could be! Well, for a very tired person, that is 😉 . I had just gotten my blue cast on and I was feeling great! The cast is to protect the stumplet (and the 30 staples that are in it) and help shape my baby limb for a prosthesis. I was encouraged by my doctors and nurses who told me how great I was doing, and I was finally in comfy clothes instead of a hospital gown! I felt a rush of peace and hope. Peace because all of my surgeries and procedures were done (and I was finally wireless because all the IV’s and pain catheters were out!). Hope because things had gone much better than I ever imagined and I was looking forward to a bright future. I don’t know why I am writing this as past tense…I am still feeling that peace and hope! My emotions were-and are-much more stable than they were in the first two photos.
There’s my contribution for the Transformation Tuesday trend of the day :). Oh, and did you notice something missing in the second two pics? No, not my leg…that would just be the last one ;). I got my hair cut on the way to the hospital! I know, I’m a bit of a rebel since they had already called to say that a room was ready and that I should go there to be admitted. I’ll make another post about the hair because that was another great decision…and not at all because of how it looks.
Thanks for reading!