I feel like I’ve been running a non-stop race for the past few months. Going and going, one thing after another. We found a house in December, bought it in January, and have been working on unpacking and making it a home ever since. Between work and the move and everything else, I’ve barely had time to even sit down…which explains the silence around here.
Looking at my schedule, I realized I could slow down if I wanted to. Sure, many days I’m booked from the time I wake up until the moment my eyes close for the night, but I recently decided that it didn’t have to be that way. I just had to make a choice to create space to rest and to breathe.
If I’m honest, I think I’ve used my busyness as a coping mechanism of sorts. The busier I am, the less time I have to think and to grieve and to feel. After our loss in November, I felt so many emotions, and I desperately tried to block them. I don’t like being angry. I hate feeling sad. I’d rather feel nothing than feel the overwhelming pain that was thrown at me that night in the ER. But, as I’ve learned time and time again, we can’t heal what we aren’t willing to feel. Now that the initial weight of the situation has somewhat lifted, it’s time to slow things down and allow myself to process it all.
I’m working on having one day a week to just be still. To rest from the things that drain me and focus on what fills me up. The laundry can wait for just a few hours. The house won’t fall down if I leave some dishes in the sink. We won’t starve if I don’t go to the grocery store. I’m reworking my schedule so that during a designated time, I can sit down and slow down. If that means making apple crisp, so be it. If it means inviting my momma over for tea, awesome. I started attending a weekly yoga class that is forcing me to focus on my breath and body. Even if I can’t block out a full day, creating some space in the week where I know I can rest is essential.
In a society where being “busy” is praised, it feels kind of awkward to take time for myself. I’m almost embarrassed to tell people I gave myself the day off to just be rather than to do a million things. When dealing with grief, being busy seems like a good idea, but it isn’t sustainable. My to-do list never seems to end, but I now know that I will quickly burn out if I race to finish everything without giving myself time to rest. So starting now, I’m taking myself out of the competition for busiest person and instead choosing to go against the grain and find balance by working hard when I need to but making sure to find times of solid rest in the midst of the chaos.
Will you join me on this mission to incorporate a rhythm of rest into your life?