2020

Happy (late) 2020, friends! Of course I’m a few days behind, but who cares?! Now that I have a (rare) quiet moment with the computer keys all to myself, I thought I’d take a second to reflect on the last decade…because that seems to be what everyone’s doing these days, and the past ten years have been quite the adventure.

2010: I started the decade with dreams of death. I was in a dark place, deep in an eating disorder and depression, with little hope. After spending a few months in treatment in 2009, I came home and was on a waiting list for a different place called Mercy Ministries (now called Mercy Multiplied). It was my last-ditch effort. In June of 2010, I packed my bags and moved to Nashville. I was 16 at the time and gave up my phone, time with friends and family, and basically everything familiar to live in a home with 40 other girls who were struggling with life-controlling issues. This was one of the best decisions of my life.

2011: I graduated from Mercy in February. I was a completely different person. I had hope, I felt confident, I was healthy, and I finally had peace. That summer, I met my now-husband, Mark, at drama camp. He tells the story by saying there was a cute girl sitting by the trash can at lunchtime, and he thought I looked lonely. We became friends. Just friends.

2012: The beginning of a few years of darkness. Mark and I went our separate ways after I rejected his idea of dating and totally ghosted him (I liked him, but the timing wasn’t right.) I moved across the state to go to college. The night before classes began, I participated in a dorm activity that destroyed my right leg. As I sat on the edge of the pond that night, I knew something was wrong but I had no idea just how bad it would get. I left school and went to the Cleveland Clinic for several months of treatment for what was thought to be just a flare of RSD/CRPS.

2013: I spent the first two months in Cleveland, and eventually went home with a foot that was still excruciatingly painful and swollen. My knee was locked and I couldn’t straighten my leg. I was on crutches with little hope of ever walking again. I decided to go back to school that fall, but had an episode of full-body CRPS in August. I went back to Cleveland, regained function of my arms and left leg, and still couldn’t use my right leg. I left the hospital in time to attend school in September.

2014: I finished a year of school, then decided to move back home. My leg was getting worse each day. The pain was insane, my skin was breaking down, I had an ulcer on my foot, and I didn’t know what to do. I went back to Cleveland later in the year and was diagnosed with Lymphedema. I started treatment for that, but was soon referred to a vascular surgeon, “Dr. Hero.” We decided to try special wraps and things on my leg, but eventually, I developed an infection and was told I needed to have my leg amputated. November 2014 was one of the best and worst months. I was terrified and didn’t know how amputation would affect my life. The doctors said it would only save my life, not make it any better.

Mark also came back into my life in 2014 and we began dating. We made a game out of counting how many people stared at my missing limb. This game helped ease the awkwardness of going out in public with an obvious difference.

2015: I accomplished a lot this year. I received my first prosthesis in February, learned how to walk and drive again after 2+ years, participated in a 5K at the hospital in the spring, went to the Central Park RSD/CRPS 5 mile walk in the summer, enrolled in college again close to home, moved states, and did a few more races. Basically, I did everything I could to prove the doctors wrong and show them that I could live a full life post-amputation.

2016: A busy year. I went to college number 4, got engaged to Mark, planned a wedding, lost relationships with some family members, and got married. I moved states again (back to the original one), started a new job at the pizza place Mark managed, and thought I graduated college…only to be told after the ceremony that I still needed to take one more class. I was glad I opted out of the ceremony. That would’ve been awkward.

2017: I switched jobs and helped open a new frozen yogurt place, worked a lot, loved getting to know my customers, actually graduated, worked some more, found out I was pregnant, and went through a miscarriage. Mark and I began house hunting and put an offer on a house.

2018: We bought a house, found out I was pregnant again, left our jobs, enjoyed a more relaxed schedule, and prepared for our girl. Mark found a new job that he loves. We welcomed Kezia in December and life became so much brighter (although my face would tell you otherwise, thanks to sleep deprivation. Totally worth it.)

2019: We settled into life as a family of three. We savored each moment and found joy in watching our daughter discover the world around her. We became more involved in church leadership and developed deeper relationships with friends who are more like family. There were some parts of the year that were definitely more difficult than others, but overall, it was pretty great.

Phew, what a decade. There are tons of things I missed in that recap, but that’s the general idea. Many years felt like they went by so slowly, but I cannot believe it’s already 2020. I hope this next decade brings less pain, more babies, reconciliation of relationships, joy, and peace.

Let’s make it great.